<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>you couldn't have loved me better by Kroolea</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24100702">you couldn't have loved me better</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kroolea/pseuds/Kroolea'>Kroolea</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Burials, Crying, Flashbacks, M/M, Post-Order 66, angst with a semi-happy ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:48:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,365</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24100702</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kroolea/pseuds/Kroolea</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Was he in pain? Was he afraid?" Kix asks lightly. He doesn't know why that's the first thing he asks her about the crash.</p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head, tight-lipped. "I don't think so."</p><p> </p><p>It hurts to breathe but he does it anyways, it is the only thing to do.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>CT-5597 | Jesse/CT-6116 | Kix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>102</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you couldn't have loved me better</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>:'(</p><p>Anyways I'm back with another depressing story. What's it been, 24 hours?</p><p>Title is taken from 'Already Gone' by Kelly Clarkson</p><p>Uhhh, that's it? I think.</p><p>Enjoy, I hope it didn't make you cry too hard.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Jesse, what do you want?" Kix sighs. Jesse raises a brow. </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Who said I want anything?" He asks incredulously. Kix rolls his eyes and begins bandaging the shallow cut on Jesse's arm. </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"You have never come to the medbay before. In fact, if I remember correctly, which I do, you avoid the medbay like it's a death penalty." He deadpans. Jesse doesn't reply. </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>Kix knows about Jesse's crush. Secrets don't stay secrets in the 501st very long.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Well... I want..." Jesse stutters.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>Kix smirks to himself as he kisses Jesse. Jesse makes a surprised noise but leans into the kiss. </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>Kix pulls away from the kiss. "You wanted that, right?" He asks. Jesse is blushing. </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"I- yes." </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Okay. Your arm should be fine. Come see me tomorrow so I can check it."</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Of course." Jesse hops off the table and scurries away like the medbay is poisoned. </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>Kix smiles as he works.</em>
  </p>
</div><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Kix watches Jesse leave with Rex. He smiled as the group walks away.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>General Skywalker doesn't watch Ahsoka leave again. He stalks away angrily.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He's been more angry lately. Kix wonders if it has something to do with Padmé.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Jesse is smiling, thrilled to be under Ahsoka's command. Kix wishes he could go along but he doesn't, they need him here so he doesn't complain.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>It all happens too fast for Kix to fully comprehend. General Windu is killed and then comes the words that will haunt Kix forever.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>Execute Order 66</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Kix complies, after all, good soldiers follow orders.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>General Skywalker gives the order to hunt down all the Jedi in the temple and Kix catches sight of a dead youngling, shot at least four times.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Suddenly the whole situation is wrong and he wants to scream.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>There are dead children everywhere and Kix swallows the bile that arises in his throat.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He looks around, not lowering his blaster. The small boy isn't older than ten. His two front teeth are missing.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He looks terrified, even in death. </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Kix is a medic, he's seen men die. Hell, he's pulled the plug on many soldiers when their injuries were too severe.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>This boy had so much to live for.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Kix closes his eyes.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>"Kix! What are you doing?" Appo's voice yells. Kix turns around and his brain scrambles for an excuse.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>"I thought I heard someone, sir." He says.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Appo buys the excuse and turns to leave.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He's shot down Appo before he can think against it.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>The decision physically pains him but he had to.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He runs before anyone sees.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He runs until he reaches a shady clothing store and buys a cheap outfit with the little money he has.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>The hood feels heavy as he puts it on.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He finds a job working on a ship as a janitor of sorts. The men are drunkards and are probably pulling some shady shit but he doesn't care. He leaves them when he lands on a backwater planet anyways.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He wonders what became of Jesse, of Rex, of Ahsoka.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Tears sting his eyes and he rubs them away before they fall.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>The village he lands near is full of kind people that don't question his background. They allow him to settle in and tend to their wounds with herbs and medicines.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>After a few years he can pretend that he has only known this life.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>The village men become his brothers and the village women become his sisters. The children become like his neices and nephews.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>The nightmares begin to dwindle. Sometimes he sees he sees faces that look like his. Sometimes he sees that youngling in his nightmares. But most nights he sleeps free of dream.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>The peace is disrupted when a traveller visits the village. His blond hair is longer than Kix remembers and his eyes are shining.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>But with Rex's sudden appearance also comes news Kix had been hoping he would never hear.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Jesse died during Order 66, all of the clones with Rex and Ahsoka did.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>His tears finally fall when he meets Rex's eyes.</p>
</div><p> </p><p>He knows he's making a scene but he can't help it.</p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Jesse, the clone Kix loved. The one he always trusts. The one he would have married if they were allowed.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He wonders if he was afraid or if it happened too quickly to comprehend.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He hopes it's the latter.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He agrees to go with Rex, to help the Rebellion. He leaves the village he had come to know as family.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He doesn't promise to return but he hopes he lives to.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He sees Ahsoka and weeps as she wraps her arms around him.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He's so tired.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>She is smiling sadly at him.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>"I know a few people who would love to have a medic like you here." She says. A secret smile crosses her face. "The current ones don't have the guts to tell a Jedi to sleep."</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>A smile crosses his face for the first time in a long time. "Sign me up." He teases. She beams.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>"I'm here if you need to talk." Her face becomes solemn again. The years of experience have permanently lined her face.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>"Was he in pain? Was he afraid?" Kix asks lightly. He doesn't know why that's the first thing he asks her about the crash.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>She shakes her head, tight-lipped. "I don't think so."</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>It hurts to breathe but he does it anyways, it is the only thing to do.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Being a medic has a soothing effect on him. The Rebellion is in full swing so the injuries range from minor to severe. Having a serious job makes him feel useful for something.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>They win. With the help of General Skywalker's son.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Endor is a place of celebration and Kix is pretty sure that Solo has drunk enough alcohol to ruin his liver permanently.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>He sits between Rex and Wolffe is smiling.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The galaxy is free of the Empire.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>The war they were fighting for was finally won, after almost 25 years.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Kix knows he should he happy but deep down he misses Jesse so badly it makes him nauseous.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Ahsoka takes him to Jesse's grave and Kix finally gets closure. She stays in the ship as he sits by the pole with the helmet and talks to it.</p>
</div><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>It's the morning that Jesse leaves. They are lying in bed as the sun shines on their faces. </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"You should be coming with us." Jesse says, drawing invisible lines on his chest. "It'll be just like the old days." </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>Kix sighs. "I have to stay with General Skywalker. And besides,  it won't be exactly like the old days."</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"I know but still." Jesse looks conflicted. </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>Kix kisses him gently, the war has taken a toll on Jesse more than many clones. </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>Jesse leans into the kiss and lifta his hand to run it through Kix's hair. </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"I like the longer hair." He murmurs. Kix smirks. </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"You said that last night." </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>Jesse huffs out a laugh and props himself up on one elbow.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"I love you." Jesse says as he gets up. Kix takes a moment to glance over Jesse's figure before he gets up </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"I love you too." Kix says, Jesse smiles at him. </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>"I can't wait until this wars over. Maybe then I can marry you for real." </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>Kix nods. "Someday."</em>
  </p>
</div><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Years later Ahsoka takes one last trip to that moon, she watches as Ezra and Sabine pull out shovels. She looks among the helmets. The other two trail behind her.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>"Next to this one." She says at last, placing a hand on the helmet.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>"Shouldn't we bury him next to Rex and Wolffe?" Ezra asks, she shakes her head gently.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>"Rex and Wolffe were his <em>vod</em>, his brothers. Jesse... Jesse was his <em>riduur, </em>his husband." Ahsoka explains. The two seem to understand and begin digging the grave.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Kix no longer has his helmet so when the two place the pole in the ground Ahsoka ties a medic armband on it instead.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>"He'd want to be remembered as a medic instead of a clone anyways." She explains to no one in particular.</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>As they leave, the armband sways in the wind, brushing against the old helmet just as the two lovers are once again reunited.</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>